Shattered
by Tina101
Summary: After Roger leaves her, Mimi turns to the only comfort she could find, cutting.  Will she be able to get help before she ends up like April?
1. Chapter 1

_Shattered_

**Chapter 1:**

"Get out!" Mimi screamed as she threw Roger's things at him with surprisingly good aim. "Get the hell out of my apartment! I never want to see you again, Roger Davis!" Roger scrambled to grab as much of the flying objects as he could.

"With pleasure," he spat. Mimi stood in the corner as Roger continued to pack. Roger swung his duffel bag over his shoulder, grabbed his guitar in its case and walked out the door without looking back.

The second the door closed, Mimi crumpled to the floor. Uncontrollable sobs shook her thin body. He actually left. She half expected him to beg for a chance to work things out. Then again, it _was_ Roger. When things got too much for him, he split. Hopefully he'll come back again…hopefully.

Roger balanced his belongings in his right hand and slid open the loft door. He went inside and flopped right down on the couch. Mark came out of the bathroom with a confused look on his face.

"I need a place to stay," Roger told him simply. "Mimi, we're…" He couldn't bring himself to say it, that would make everything too final. "We got in this _huge_ fight. I just need a place to crash for a while."

"mi sofa es su sofa." Roger cracked the faintest hint of a smile. He hoped that things would cool off with Mimi in a few days.

Mimi managed to stumble over to the bed. She buried her face in Roger's pillow, bringing on fresh waves of tears. She was alone now; Roger wasn't a part of her life anymore. Mimi eventually cried herself into a deep sleep.

The following day, Mimi crawled out of bed some time after noon. She grabbed the phone and dialed the only number that came to mind.

"Hello?"

"Angel?" Mimi moaned.

"Mimi, what's wrong, chica?" Tears streamed down Mimi's cheeks. "I'll be right over, okay?"  
"Okay," Mimi replied meekly. She hung up the phone and crawled back in bed.

Angel cautiously opened the door to Mimi's apartment. After Mimi's phone call, she had no clue what to expect. As soon as she saw Mimi curled up on the bed crying, she rushed over to her best friend and began to rub her back soothingly.

"It's okay, chica. It's okay, you'll be okay," Angel cooed. She still had no clue what was wrong with Mimi.

"No its not! Roger…Roger left me!" Angel couldn't help but gasp. Roger and Mimi had been doing so well; better than well actually. Their fights had been nothing more than small lover's quarrels. This breakup was guaranteed to surprise the rest of the Bohemians.

"He'll come back," Angel assured half-heartedly. Mimi sat up and buried her face in Angel's chest. Angel was at a loss at what to do. She simply stroked Mimi's back and hair until she calmed down.

Once Mimi got herself together, she sat up and wiped her eyes. Her hair was all over the place. Yesterday's makeup was streaked down her cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy. Mimi wiped at her eyes again.

"I must look like hell," she muttered bitterly. Angel squeezed her hand.

"Let's get you cleaned up then," she said as she gently pulled Mimi to her feet. Mimi allowed Angel to get her undressed and stick her in the shower.

The room temperature water showered down over Mimi, washing away her problems. Angel sat patiently on the toilet as Mimi showered.

"I need a towel," Mimi said as she turned off the water.

"Here you go sweetie." Angel handed Mimi a fresh towel. Mimi emerged from the shower with the towel wrapped securely around her. She looked a little better, but only just a little.

"Thanks, Ang." Angel rubbed Mimi's arm.

"You're my best friend, I'm here for you." Mimi struggled to hold back new tears. Angel wrapped her arms around her best friend as she cried.

"Why did he have to leave me!? I love him, and he left!" Mimi wailed. Angel wound her hair around her fingers as the younger girl cried uncontrollably. If only Roger was here right now to see how crushed Mimi was about this whole ordeal.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Roger strummed out a few meaningless chords on his guitar before letting out a frustrated sigh and putting the instrument down on the couch next to him. For three weeks he hadn't gotten any inspiration; nothing since he moved to the loft.

"I'm going out!" Roger announced to Mark's closed bedroom door as he huffed out of the loft.

Angel and Mimi mounted the steps to Mimi's apartment after having dinner together at the Life. The sound of someone pounding down the stairs caught both their attention. Roger simply brushed past Mimi and Angel; eyes deliberately downcast. Lips quivering, Mimi watched him exit the building without even glancing at her. Before Angel could even react, Mimi bolted up the stairs to her apartment. Angel ran after her, here go-go boots pounding against the rickety wooden stairs. When she tried to open the door to Mimi's apartment, she found that something, most likely a chair, was shoved in front of it. Angel decided to go up to the loft and climb down the fire escape to Mimi's apartment.

Mark had just finished going through yet another reel of film when there was a knock on the door. He was surprised to see Angel standing there, looking incredibly pissed off.

"I need to use your fire escape," Angel explained without even saying a bubbly hello, something she _never_ did.

"Uh…okay." Mark stood to the side so Angel could enter the loft. Angel turned around to face him.

"Go ahead, ask why."

"Why do you need to use my fire escape?"  
"Roger completely blew Mimi off, and now she's locked herself in her apartment."  
"And now you're trying to talk to her." Angel nodded. "Be my guest. I'll talk to Roger when he gets home." Angel flashed Mark a small, appreciative smile.

"Thanks sugar," she said before silently slipping out to the fire escape. Mark stood in the middle of the loft wondering how Angel moved with such ease in her heels.

Angel carefully climbed down the narrow steps to the fire escape outside of Mimi's apartment. When she pushed on the large window pane, she found it to be locked too. Letting out a sigh, Angel sat down Indian-style on the grate below. Sooner or later, Mimi would have to let her in.

Mimi carefully shaved her slender legs. Whenever she got upset, she found herself taking a shower. There was something about showering that made it feel all clean and like nothing was wrong. Mimi hissed in shock as she cut herself. blood, the very thing killing her, trickled down her leg. Instead of rushing to stop the bleeding, Mimi watched it with intent focus. It felt as if part of her sorrow was sliding down her leg with the blood. Mimi carefully slid the razor across her thigh. The blood beaded along the wound. Mimi turned off the water and climbed out of the shower. She plugged in her cheap hairdryer and began to dry her hair. If she didn't, she'd be forced to pay the price tomorrow.

Angel sat patiently on the fire escape with her chin resting comfortably on her fists. Mimi came into view inside. Angel perked up. She stood up and gently tapped on the window to get Mimi's attention. Mimi jumped, and her head whipped around. When she saw Angel, she went right back to what she had been doing.

Mimi, por favor," Angel pleaded. Her voice was muffled through the grimy glass. "I only want to talk, chica."

"And I only want my space," Mimi argued. "Please, Ang, just leave me alone. I want to be alone."

"Okay honey, call me later." Angel paused for a second before descending down the fire escape with her head slightly hung.

By the time Roger got home, it was nearly dark out. The bright New York City lights glowed around the industrial loft. Roger flopped down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table.

"So I hear that you saw Mimi and Angel," Mark said as he took a seat next to Roger. Roger shrugged. He slouched down some more and closed his eyes. "This bullshit is getting _really_ old, Rog. Why don't you go talk to Mimi?" Mark suggested.

"And say what!?" Roger demanded. "There's no way I want to apologize to that stubborn bitch." Mark was appalled. He had never heard Roger talk about Mimi like that. He used to speak about Mimi with complete love and admiration; it was actually quite sickening at times. He had often referred to April as a stubborn bitch, among other horrible names.

"Roger! Mimi's crushed, and you're even moodier than normal. You guys need each other, so go talk to her." Roger jumped to his feet.

"You're not the boss of me! I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, so stay the hell out of my business!" he exclaimed before storming off to his room. Mark buried his head in his hands. Roger wasn't happy, and it was obvious to everyone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Mimi carefully slid the razor over her flat stomach. It crossed over a previous cut, forming an x. Once the bleeding slowed, she pulled on a sweatshirt to cover up her rising number of cuts and scars.

Maureen bounced up the stairs to Mimi's apartment. Out of habit, she knocked on the door. Each of the Bohemians had caught Roger and Mimi in some state of undress at least once. After knocking, Maureen shifted impatiently from one foot to the other while waiting for Mimi to answer the door. Finally, Mimi opened the door. Even in the ninety degree summer heat, she was in sweats. Her hair was matted and all over the place.

"Pookie gave me the credit card, wanna go shopping?" Maureen chirped. Actually, Joanne had given her the credit card in hopes of getting Mimi out of her apartment and exposed to human civilization again. Instead of getting a witty remark on her spending habits, Maureen only got a sad head shake.

"I don't want to, I'm sorry, Mo." When Mimi tried to close the door, Maureen put her foot in the way.

"Talk to me, Mimi."

"Please go away," Mimi begged quietly. There were tears in her eyes.

"Mimi-"

"Go away!" Maureen was surprised by Mimi's outburst. Mimi took advantage of this and slammed the door closed. Maureen heard the distinct sound of the deadbolt being slid into place. She kicked the wall in frustration before leaving to go home. Shopping was the farthest thing from her mind at the moment.

Angel opened the door to Mimi's apartment. She cautiously poked her head inside, almost afraid of what she'd see. Mimi was standing in front of the window with her arms wrapped around herself. The sweats she was wearing hung from her thing body. Mimi didn't even turn around when she heard the door open.

"Hey Meems, Angel said hopefully. Mimi slowly turned around. She looked like a ghost. Her skin was unnaturally pale, and her eyes were full of pain and emptiness. "How are you, sweetie?"  
"Okay," Mimi replied quietly.

"Do you want to come over and watch a movie?" Mimi shook her head. "Are you sure? You never leave your apartment anymore." Mimi whirled around to face Angel.

"I leave!" she argued. "I, I go to work."

"Other than that, do you go out?" Mimi stared at Angel for a second before fleeing to the safe haven of her bathroom. Angel rushed after her. The bathroom door was locked. "Come on, chica, let me in."

"Go away!"

"Mimi-"

"I said go away!" Mimi's voice was filled with pain and desperation.

"Call me, sugar," Angel said before leaving. One way or another, she was going to get her old Mimi back.

Roger grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator. He leaned against the table and downed the entire beverage. After he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, he slipped on his tattered sneakers.

"I'm going out for a few hours," he told Mark as he came out of his bedroom. Mark nodded.

"Okay, have fun." Roger waved to Mark and left the loft to go to the Life.

At the Life, Roger cradled a beer in his large hands. The small bubbles in his drink captivated him.

"Want some company?" a seductive voice asked. Roger half expected it to be Maureen playing an evil trick on him. Instead, he looked up to see a young woman with blonde hair with pink streaks slide into the barstool next to him.

"Uh…I'm Roger."

"Gia." Roger shook Gia's hand. "So what's someone as good looking as you doing drinking alone?"  
"Probably the same thing you're doing here alone," Roger countered.

"Looking to pick up a date?" Gia suggested. Roger shook his head and laughed somewhat uncomfortably. Gia ran her slender fingers along Roger's exposed bicep.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Gia flashed Roger a million dollar smile.

"Sure, I'd love one." Roger waved down the bartender and ordered another beer for Gia.

Moaning sleepily, Collins rolled over and opened his eyes. He was surprised to find the bed empty. He rolled out of bed and trudge throughout the small apartment in search of Angel. There was no sign of him anywhere. Finally, Collins found his way up to the roof.

Angel stood on the roof in a pair of Collins' boxers and a t-shirt. The warm July air swirled around him as he thought about Mimi.

"Ang?" Collins asked gently. Angel turned around. Collins was only in a pair of boxers. "What's wrong, baby?"

"Couldn't sleep," Angel replied.

"Thinking about Mimi?" Angel nodded. Collins wrapped his arms around him from behind. Angel buried his face in his boyfriend's bare chest.

"She's just so different. Getting her to talk is like pulling teeth." Collins rubbed Angel's back.

"She's getting through a broken heart, give her time."

"It's been over a month!"

"I know, baby, I know." Collins kissed Angel's forehead softly and held him close to help keep him calm


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

Gia's lips were warm, and she tasted like vanilla. Roger wound his fingers through her soft hair and deepened the kiss. Gia pressed him up against the cool brick wall behind him. The thick, muggy air pressed down on them, causing them both to sweat.

Mimi rushed down the stairs and out of her building. She had to run to the grocery store. There was literally no food left in her apartment. Mimi came out of the building and froze. Roger was standing there shoving his tongue down a blonde's throat. Tears of fury blinded Mimi. She spun around and ran with all her might back to her apartment.

Mark was busy doing the dishes when her heard crashes and screams coming from Mimi's apartment. He wiped his hands on his pants and rushed down the steps to see what was wrong with Mimi.

"Mimi?" Mark called as he knocked on the door to Mimi's apartment. What sounded like a shoe hit the door with a dull _thud_. "Mimi, I'm coming inside." As soon as Mark tried to open the door, a surprisingly strong force slammed it closed again.

"Don't come in here!" Mimi shrieked. Mark struggled to push open the door. "Leave me alone…_please_!"

"Mimi, talk to me; tell me what's wrong."

"As the bastard you call a roommate," Mimi spat. Mark jiggled the handle to the door, locked. He pressed his ear against the door. It sounded like Mimi was walking away.

"Mimi? Mimi!?"

Mimi ripped off her sweatshirt and threw it across the bathroom. She grabbed the razor off the counter and ran it across her arm repeatedly. Blood flowed freely as Mimi proceeded to shred her arm. Mimi choked out a sob. Once there was nearly no exposed skin left, she stumbled out of the bathroom. The debris from her tantrum swam in front of her. She felt lightheaded. Mimi tripped and collapsed next to her bed. She didn't have the strength to stand up. She closed her eyes and curled up in a tight ball.

Joanne pulled out the spare key from Mimi and unlocked the door. She and Maureen had been on their way over to Mimi's anyway when Mark had called them and told them about Mimi's tantrum.

"Damn," Maureen muttered as she followed Joanne into the apartment.

"Oh shit," Joanne said. Maureen's head whipped around. Joanne was kneeling down next to Mimi checking for a pulse. "Call 911!" Maureen didn't need tell twice. Meanwhile, Joanne ripped a thick strip from the sheet on the bed and wrapped it around Mimi's arms to slow the bleeding. "Come on, Meems, stay with me honey." Mimi's breathing was still shallow.

"An ambulance is on its way." Joanne patted Mimi's cheek softly and shook her shoulder gently in hopes of bringing her back around.

_Beep_…_beep_…_beep_. Mimi slowly cracked her eyes. She wasn't dead like she had hope. Someone must have found her. Mimi opened her eyes the rest of the way.

"What happened?" she croaked. Maureen and Joanne looked up.

"We found you in your apartment. You completely cut up your arm," Maureen replied.

"Why?" Mimi demanded through clenched teeth. "Why did you call 911!?" Maureen cautiously approached Mimi.

"We were trying to save your life," she argued calmly.

"I don't want my life! I have nothing; I want to die!" Mimi screamed. Maureen and Joanne struggled to calm her down. Mimi managed to scratch Joanne's cheek in the scuffle. Joanne's hand flew to her cheek. Mimi pulled out her IV and continued to scream. A nurse rushed into the room and quickly injected Mimi with a clear liquid. Mimi kept fighting against Maureen. It became harder and harder for her to move. Maureen finally managed to pin her back against the bed. Mimi put up a fight until the sedative knocked her out cold.

The next time Mimi opened her eyes, she saw Angel sitting next to her. Letting out a grunt, she struggled to move her arms. She was strapped down to the bed.

"Stop honey, don't fight," Angel cooed as she reached over to stroke Mimi's cheek. Mimi jerked her head away. "Don't act like this, chica." Mimi glared at Angel with pure hatred.

Mark and Collins rushed into the dim lighting of CBGB's. It didn't take long to find Roger in the back of the club nibbling on Gia's ear. Collins approached the table and cleared his throat. Roger looked up and smiled.

"Hey guys, care to join us?" he asked. Gia snaked her arms around Roger as if to show Mark and Collins that he was hers.

"We can't, you have to come with us," Mark replied firmly.

"But why?" Gia blurted out. Collins glared at her, causing her to close her mouth automatically.

"Come on, man, we need to go," he said as he literally dragged Roger out of his seat. "Mimi's in the hospital for attempted suicide," he whispered. Roger froze.

"Is she alright?" he managed to say.

"Come see for yourself," Collins insisted. Gia jumped to her feet.

"Roger!" she cried. "If, if you walk out that door…it's over!" Roger left with mark and Collins without looking back.

Roger cautiously entered Mimi's hospital room. Mimi was propped up in bed staring straight ahead while Angel stroked her hair gently. Angel stood up when she saw Roger. Roger was surprised by the immense pain in Mimi's eyes. She was tied down like an untamed animal. Angel gently pulled Roger out into the hallway.

"Why is she tied down?" he demanded.

"Shh, please lower your voice. Mimi threw a fit, they had to sedate her and strap her down to the bed." roger ran his fingers through his hair.

"Great, just great. I want to talk to her alone." Angel nodded understandingly. Roger brushed past her and entered Mimi's room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Mimi simply stared straight ahead as Roger took Angel's place next to her. Roger took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Meems," he confessed. "I, I've never told yo how April killed herself, have I? I went to a gig, and she was supposed to meet me there. When she didn't show up, I honestly didn't worry. The loft was deserted when I got home; then, I went into the bathroom. Her blood was all over the place." Roger's voice cracked. "She slit her wrists in the bathtub." A few silent tears slipped down Mimi's cheeks. Roger wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs. "This is all my fault, and I know that."

"Then why did you replace me?" Mimi asked in a foreign voice. She turned her head and studied Roger, waiting for an answer. "I have nothing, I want to die! I want to die!" she screamed. Roger grabbed her shoulders roughly and got right in her face.

"Why, why do you want to die!?" he countered. "You have friends all around you that love you so much!"

"But I don't have you!" Roger got up and backed away from Mimi. He never expected her react in such a way. "All I want is you back in my life. I need you. I need to know why you replaced me!"

"I don't know," Roger replied quietly. "I wish I knew, but I was being stupid. You're the love of my life."

"And you left me!" Mimi cried.

"I know, I know. I've made the same mistake twice, and I'm willing to et downon my knees and beg for your forgiveness. Please, baby, forgive me. I want to make things good between us." Roger stroked Mimi's cheek with the back of his hand. " I want you to get better." Closing her eyes, Mimi leaned into Roger's touch.

"When I saw you kissing her, I wanted to die. I thought that there was nothing more to live for." Roger wrapped his arms around Mimi and held her close. It was an awkward position since Mimi was restrained.

"You'll always have me," he murmured in her hair.

**A/N:** Sorry about the short chapter. I switched everything around because I felt that this was enough of a chapter for one day. Anyway, next chapter is the last.

Tina101


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Angel folded Mimi's clothes, put them in a drawer and replaced the drawer in the secondhand dresser. She and Maureen were cleaning up Mimi's apartment to help their friend out before she got home.

"I threw a tantrum and made a mess like this once," Maureen said, breaking the heavy silence.

"Why?" Angel asked. Maureen shrugged.

"I honestly don't remember that part. All I _do_ remember is that it wasn't nearly as serious as Mimi's." Maureen put the dishes away in the cabinet above the sink. Mimi had thrown one hell of a fit.

Mimi slowly ate what were supposedly mashed potatoes. The restraints had finally been removed from her arms. Now, she was forced to stare at the ugly bandages which were a constant reminder of the pain she had suffered. Mimi closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair she was sitting in. Images of Roger flooded her mind, instantly calming her down. She had her Roger back, and that's all that mattered.

After three more days, Mimi was released from the hospital. She rode home on the subway with Roger. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. Mimi nuzzled his neck and relaxed in his arms. Roger rubbed her arm and kissed the top of her head softly. The train rocked them back and forth, creating a lulling feeling. To both Roger and Mimi, it felt wonderful to be together again.

Mimi unlocked her apartment door and went inside with Roger right behind her. She looked around her immaculate apartment with a smile.

"Who cleaned up my apartment?" she asked.

"Angel and Maureen," Roger replied.

"I'll have to thank them." Roger jammed his hands in his pockets and bounced on the balls of his feet nervously.

"Well, I guess I should get going," he said almost sadly. Mimi spun around to face him.

"Please don't leave me. I can't stand to be alone for one more night." Roger wrapped his arms around Mimi's waist.

"I'll be right here with you," he promised.

A week later, Mimi was still recovering. Roger had run down to the free clinic to get their AZT for the month. Mimi stood out on the fire escape enjoying the warm September sunshine on her face. She looked down to the street below. A flash of long, blonde and pink hair caught her attention. All Mimi could see was Roger kissing that other girl. She bolted inside, blinded by tears.

Roger entered his and Mimi's apartment and tossed their AZT on the bed. A strange sound caught his attention. He wandered into the kitchen. Mimi was standing in the middle of the room with a knife in her hand. The bandages on her left arm were tossed carelessly on the floor. Mimi's head shot up when she heard Roger's footsteps.

"Come on, Mimi, don't do this," Roger pleaded. "We can talk this through."

"I saw her, I saw that whore you were with!" Mimi cried. Somehow, Roger managed to get behind Mimi and grabbed her wrists. He squeezed her wrist, and she dropped the knife onto the worn tile floor.

"There you go," Roger cooed over and over again while Mimi struggled to calm down.

After a few minutes, Mimi turned around and wrapped her arms around Roger's neck. Roger kissed her cheek softly.

"I was so afraid that you were leaving. I wouldn't be able to handle that anymore," Mimi whispered. Roger tipped her face up and kissed her passionately.

"I'm not going anywhere." As their lips met in another kiss, they stumbled somewhat gracefully over to the bed. Roger took extra care in removing Mimi's clothes. Mimi helped him take off her bandages. He kissed each and every one of her scars softly. Scars interwove across Mimi's forearms, stomach and thighs. Mimi moaned with please as Roger's lips moved back up to her exposed neck.

Light from the full moon shined across the bed. Mimi slowly opened her eyes. She didn't feel Roger's comforting warmth pressed up against her. For a fleeting second, she feared that Roger was gone. Then, she saw his silhouette by the window. Mimi wrapped the tattered sheet from the bed around herself and approached Roger.

"Roger?" she asked tentatively. Roger turned around. He was only in a pair of boxers. Mimi's breath caught in her throat. She never got tired of staring at his finely muscled body. "What's wrong?"

"I was thinking," Roger replied. Mimi found herself in his strong arms.

"About what?"  
"About how stupid I was for leaving. I left the best thing that's ever happened to me…twice! Both times it almost lead to your-" Mimi pressed her finger against Roger's lips.

"Let's not talk about that right now and ruin the moment. All I want is to be with you forever." Mimi buried her face in Roger's chest; everything was back to how they should be now.

**The End**

**Thank You, Jonathan Larson**


End file.
